mentoring+Tips+for+mentors

1. **Give full attention **: Show genuine interest and respect. Give affirmation and validation. Never act bored or distracted. //“Excuse me I was thinking of something else” (More important than you) //
 * Listening Tips for Mentors **
 * Resisting the urge to fix them **

2. **Match their tempo **: Don’t rush or be afraid of silences. Kids don’t like to be bombarded with irrelevant or probing interrogation. //“Let’s get to work; I have lots of questions for you” //

3. **Reflect back feelings: ** Showing empathy conveys support and concern. //“That must have been really difficult for you” //

4. **Paraphrase what is said **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: They will know you are trying to understand. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“Sounds like you thought nobody cared about what you wanted //

<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">5. **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Ask to learn more **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: Certain ‘window words’ open an opportunity to explore for more information by following up. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“You mentioned lots of worries. What is most difficult right now? //

<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">6. **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Encourage full expression **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: Use open-ended questions and avoid why questions – they trigger defensiveness. Show interest and curiosity. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“Help me understand what you were thinking” // <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">7. **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Avoid blaming **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: Don’t preach about what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“Don’t you think it would be better if...(Shame, correction, advice //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">) <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">8. **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Avoid detracting comments **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: Don’t dismiss or minimize their problems. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“I know exactly what you’re feeling” (Impossible!) // <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">9. **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Respect personal space **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: Respectful mentors offer a unique blend of empathy and objectivity. Don’t force empathy. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“You can trust me, I’ll never let you down” (Words don’t create trust) // <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">10. **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Celebrate survivor’s pride **<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">: Validate acts of strength and resilience. //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“You showed real courage in facing and conquering that problem” //